El Comrade

The Kava King

El Comrade is the type of guy to eat the whole apple core because he doesn’t believe in wasting any of the fruit. He speaks like his idol; Vaush and his verbal pacing is just as fast as Ben Shapiro. El Comrade claims he never pays for drinks when he goes out. He says his “…ideology is palpable. People understand the right thing to do is share”

The Kava King loves binging on Twitch & YouTube. Rarely playing games or livestreaming. He consumes political content from similar ideologues. He watches people like Destiny, Vaush & Hasan, and has mentioned multiple times that he doesn’t believe in marriage. Consequently, he is always recorded on streams with vaseline never more than 3 feet away. His childhood was spent alone. The childhood isolation was fortified by his fear of “catching racism”. He believes the systemic racism is so bad in the world, that it will naturally revert people back to the racism they were born into. So, he stays home more often than not.

His online gaming community bullies him often, but he blocks anyone who does, then finds solace with all his pink haired friends in the Vaush chat room.

He was actually ‘Cat-fished’ by a man for almost 26 months. El Comrade says, “the guy pretended to be a 16 year old girl for 2 years before they met in person.” Even though he was surprised by the fact he was catfished, he decided to continue seeing the man as a “friend”. He said he was proving to himself that he was an Ally to the LGBTQ community. He said that it brought back memories of his childhood. Nobody knows what he meant by that. As he won’t speak about it anymore.

El comrade is “The Kava King” because he sells Kava for HappyRootz. Even though he doesn’t believe in capitalism, he is doing “what is right.” and says he plans on “using the capital gained from the evil system against the evil system, to bring down the evil system.”

El Comrade’s ‘gifts’ seem to embolden themselves when he is entrenched by “white guilt”. He becomes more powerful when he feels like his “people” are being oppressive. He often becomes paranoid about “stupid conspiracy theorists” like “everyone on the right” and when this paranoia strikes his super power becomes even stronger. He is equipped with many skills, but has only shown a few of them in battle. Don’t blink though. El Comrade is an elite superhero.

El Comrade can only be reached in person. You must contact HappyRootz directly to schedule an appointment with his manager. His manager, who also manages “SpongeBob SquarePants” will then schedule a face to face.

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