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$75/Do-It-All (2.2 Pounds or 1KG) COMING SOON

Premium Cured For No Wobbles & Nano Micronized

Combining “Red/Green Vein” kratom & curing it to make a near-perfect product. If *Payne is your aim, then grab a bunch for the moment, if *Enurgie is needed, then grab a little less. If you want to complicate things, try out our extended menu. But this is a one-stop product.

Dear FDA: *Payne doesn't mean Pain, *Enurgie doesn't mean Energy

The HappyRootz


The HappyRootz, as a product line features kratom & kava and other natural products. It was founded by a 4-“man” elite squad commanded by the leaders of the Freedom Kamikazes. With their headquarters nestled in Bangor, Maine, this ensemble frequently creates an orchestra of carnage together. This expert unit was created behind enemy lines during the middle of the culture war. Each hero has expertise with often practiced superpowers but, all of the heroes have even more special abilities hidden away in their genetic code, only to come out by complete surprise. When the powers do pop up, sometimes it ends in a mishap and sometimes its ending is successful. One thing is for certain, the HappyRootz will not be denied their justice. Cartoon rescheduled for release late in 2022.

HappyRootz Universe


The HappyRootz


Please Report Bugs

Kratom 101. Strains, Regions, Vein Colors & Placebo.

A Restroom Read By Kween “KK47” Karen

Two things influence the structural formation of any given kratom plant: genetics and environment. The plant’s genetic makeup, also called a genotype, acts as a blueprint for growth: it allows a spectrum of physical possibilities, but it is up to the environment to induce these characteristics. The physical expression of a genotype is referred to as a phenotype, which is simply defined as the [read more]

Our Store

Our Store

After the first 2 month's after our grand opening we will we require an ID-free application for all new customers. As of right now, no application is required. When we do end up rolling out customer applications, it will protect our business by dissuading the bad actors, evil competitors & crazy customers.

If you are looking for an “easy to view” list of all of our kratom products please check out our Kratom Only Catalogue here.

Dear censorship lovers,

Freedom is most important when it is being used to say something controversial. Ideas must break molds. You don’t need to agree with someone’s words, but defending the person’s right to say those words, is what matters the most. We will fight for your right to speak, even if you’re stupid! 


Team HappyRootz

Pick Up & Return Address

611 Hammond St

Suite 5

Bangor, Maine 04401

Every dollar spent here goes to a small family & activism.

Do you hate tyranny and love freedom? If you do, you are in the right place. We will use our products to fund one of the most unique business models on earth. We are an anti-partisan company hell-bent on throwing hypothetical haymakers at tyrants all across the world. All while we sell safe, natural & legal products that make people smile. We will start with a local campaign here in Maine. As our digital mercenary team grows strong, our ‘Road Map’ will continuously be updated with new campaigns. The road map is found above.

We love God. Sell plants. Unite like-minds.

2020 was a turning point for many. We realized that the ‘Land of Free’ was just a nation of permissions. And, as “Lefty & Righty” zealotry distracted us with foolish banter, the ‘World Bank Puppets’ made big moves and extended their tentacles into the Earth’s foundation. Seemingly everyone submitted to their sociopathic leaders. The global corporatocracy flexed its ‘media-muscle’ and amplified their messaging using droves of zealots. Algorithms empowering the digital foot soldiers on social media turned citizen against citizen. As the stresses built inside society, and the walls around our hardened hearts came down. We wanted to rebuild ourselves and also rebuild a new business. The title of this passage explains our new operation.

Covid-19 showed us that a mix of de facto governing bodies can create a monopoly-like effect in most areas of commerce. And the “World Bank”, with buzzard-like efficiency, can use their stranglehold on the money supply to increase influence behind closed doors. Tying up the loose ends, we have the (MSM) media. Using as little as 1.9mb of data per minute (144p video) to sway the opinion of the masses. They control your point of view. Setting up our current day; the most authoritarian time in US history. Help us power our voices against the tyranny.

Figure out your issues and focus on fixing them. We support your individual rights to purchase any substance on this earth and use it how you please. But remember, each decision you make can help or hurt the folks around you. Life has many trade-offs (good & bad) and identifying them is the key to making intelligent choices. Be confident, make your call and accept the responsibility that comes with being an adult. Always challenge your own thoughts. Try to find the holes in your ideas. If it survives the nitpicking, then it might be a decent idea. Don’t “Yes Man” yourself.

Do what they say. Or be dismissed by society.

Every dollar spent here goes to a small family & activism.

As an American in the US education system, thirteen of our years were spent in a school praying to a flag. We pledged allegiance to it without a second thought. Childhood was a mess for most kids. Time shared between juggling dopamine producing habit-bubbles & adolescent responsibilities created a hodge-podge population riddled with infallibility complexes and a devout following to a partisan tribe. People blindly trusting that the political gods will fix everything. All while worshiping a flag & learning its history from liars. We understand many people will dislike us for taking a “hard stance” on hot topics. We admit, we are “crazy” we are for taking this route. As a small family business, we do need to make money, but, we also want to be a voice for those who think like us. If you support freedom & plants, come with us on our journey.

Help spread the word.

Soon the mass adoption of artificial intelligence will reduce the physical workforce by a staggering amount. Forcing most people to be home in front of screens all day. In the very near future; video, audio & interactive digital entertainment will become the biggest commodity this world produces, by a large margin. A piece of our mission will focus on creating content as well as, helping inspire our audience and customers to do the same. 

3 Bundle Deals


Create Content For Product

The following song was made by a member of our community as a sample ‘contest entry’. Check it out! We need all types of ‘user-generated’ content in every type of category.

Do you create WordPress websites? Or maybe you edit vlogs or make movies? Have a home studio and churn out awesome music?

Do you sculpt wood or paint? Maybe you save bottlecaps and make dinosaur statues out them. Who knows! Make something!

Take your great experience and turn it into free product! Check out our promotions here.

The following song was made by a member of our community as a sample ‘contest entry’. Check it out! We need all types of ‘user-generated’ content in every type of category.

Region Reviews: Bangor

We give away product for honest reviews about local products, services, meals & experiences. We seek to find your favorite spots & products in our featured region. Bangor is a big city for Maine. Help us guide customers to great decisions. Give back to your community by telling us about Bangor's finest.

Our Activism

Most Americans are attached to our system like a distracted breast-fed baby to a milk-teet. The majority of the world is panicked 24/7 by the media & we all disassociate from the exploitation by simply picking up one of our many "habits". For example, most people can "take their mind off" issues by simply throwing on a porno, playing a video game or trading cryptocurrency. It's as easy as investing all your emotion in the things you know will make you happy while ignoring things that cause anxiety. Nobody is willing to stand up and call out these nefarious entities. We will. Join us.

Our Shows

Shows featuring creators from all over. We will be doing many "shows" featuring creators from all over the world. Additionally, if you are in the Bangor area, we have the equipment & office space. Volunteer content creation will be monetized by affiliate links. We plant to interview local business owners, produce satire, parody, small films, movies, music, cartoons & more. We are not for the partisan hack. We are an anti-partisan group with a goal to reach 100,000 people by 2023. Eventually our army of creators, customers & viewers will push the Bang Bang Bangor Network into the national spotlight.

Addiction Relief

While we do cater to the retail product industry, we aspire to be something so much more. We want to be place for local folks to find relaxation through events, amazing products & find solace in our ability to give our demographic a voice. This goal hits close to home as certain members of the HappyRootz team have been bullied and others have had addictions.

Investors & Inventers

We have had many friends close down their businesses during the Covid-19 takeover. Some even arrested for opening their doors to the public when unconstitutional mandates tell them to close their business for good. The mainstream media's campaign seeking to constantly embolden instability is a form of terrorism & it stifled the American dreamer. But, we would like to revitalize those dreamers. If you have a business model, but no investors. Send us your business plans. Or, if your a investor with no business, you can join the fun.


Read or Get Bent.
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